Is this thing on?

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Tue Dec 6

“ before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes. william gibson (via kristenfromkansas)

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Thu Jun 4

¿Es cierto o no?

This is dedicated to my lovely sister Kristen…

I did this today in class and had to tell her. I read an article in Prensa Libre today about racism and discrimination and my teacher started talking about certain groups of people and I got fired up and made her a little logic puzzle. Keep in mind: she is a strict catholic, like the majority of Guatemalans, and I don’t believe.

¿Es cierto o no? Is true or not?

1. ¿Ama Dios a toda la gente? Does God love all of the people?

2. ¿Dios no es un racista ni tiene racismo ni discriminación? God is not a racist nor has racism nor discrimination?

3. ¿Dios quiere que toda la gente sea feliz y segura? God wants all the people to be happy and safe?

4. ¿Es discriminación decir que un tipo de personas no pueda hacer una cosa que las otras puedan hacer? Is it discrimination to say that one type of person cannot do something that others can?

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Si estas cuatro frases fueran ciertas… If these 4 phrases were true…

Y Ud. estuvo de acuerdo… And you agreed…

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¿Cómo Dios diría que los gays no podrían casarse? How could God say that gays could not get married?

Joe and the Homosexuals - 1

Spanish Teacher - 0

P.S. ¨______ and the Homosexuals¨ will be a popular band sometime in the future! ;)

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Wed Apr 15

Reef Mick Spackler

WANT.

Reef has done a wonderful job combining two things that I love. Fanning sandals & golf. Whose job is it to think this shit up? What will they come up with next?

Detachable ball marker…check!

Removable spikes….check!

Most comfortable (golf) sandals ever…check!

Pssst! My birthday is coming up and these would be a kickass present. Family members put up your dukes for the coolest present ever!

Size 9 for the viewers at home. I suggest Zappos for free shipping both ways.

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Mon Apr 13

Obama vows to fight piracy

READ ALOUD: Oooooh, Eyes know ya not tryin’s take ma moozik and mize moovees away like dat OBAMA!

I was about to consider Obama ¨My Least Favorite President,¨but I realized that the title of the article was a little misleading. Careful Yahoo!, you wouldn’t want the interwebbers coming after you! We love us some torrents!

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Sat Apr 11

Mama, I’m comin’ hoooooome…

Southwest Airlines

Itinerary Date Flight Routing Details Wed May 13
238 Depart FORT MYERS, FL (RSW) at 8:05 AM
Arrive in CHICAGO-MIDWAY (MDW) at 10:00 AM

35 Change planes in CHICAGO-MIDWAY (MDW) departing at 11:10 AM
Arrive in KANSAS CITY INTL (MCI) at 12:35 PM

See you soon, everybody!!!

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Wed Apr 8

Joe Z “In The Zone”…

~Best Workout CDs
- MSTRKRFT Fist of God
- MSTRKRFT Live at Parklife ‘07
- Fatboy Slim You’ve Come A Long Way, Baby!

~Best Soundtrack
- Various Artists Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist

~Most Recycled CDs (in alphabetical order)
- Air Pocket Symphony
- Air Talkie Walkie
- Angus & Julia Stone A Book Like This
- Band of Horses Cease To Begin
- Band of Horses Everything All The Time
- Bonobo Days To Come
- Built To Spill Keep It Like A Secret
- Buena Vista Social Club Buena Vista Social Club
- Coldplay Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends
- Death Cab for Cutie Narrow Stairs
- Electric Soul Method Freedom Dilemma
- G. Love & Special Sauce The Hustle
- G. Love & Special Sauce Yeah, It’s That Easy
- Hot Chip The Warning
- Jack Johnson Sleep Through The Static
- Kaki King Until We Felt Red
- Kings of Convenience Quiet Is The New Loud
- Kings of Convenience Riot on An Empty Street
- Kings of Leon Only By The Night
- Lettuce Rage!
- Manu Chao Clandestino
- MGMT Oracular Spectacular
- Morcheeba Big Calm
- MSTRKRFT Fist Of God
- MSTRKRFT Live at Parklife ‘07
- Snow Patrol Eyes Open
- Snow Patrol Final Straw
- Sufjan Stevens Illinois
- Vampire Weekend Vampire Weekend

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JoeZ Presents…In Association with: UnemployedMusicReviews.com…

13 Months of WTF?!

1. Alex Gopher “Carmilla”

2. Yelle “Ce Jeu”

3. Vampire Weekend “Ottoman”

4. Hot Chip “Boys From School”

5. Royksopp “Happy Up Here”

6. Black Kids “I’m Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You”

7. Bob Sinclair “Love Generation (Club Mix)”

8. Shout Out Louds “Very Loud”

9. M.I.A. “Paper Planes (Dfa Remix from Slumdog Millionaire)

10. R.L. Burnside “Skinny Woman”

11. Band of Horses “Our Swords”

12. Matt Pond P.A. “Lily Two”

13. Gomez “How We Operate”

14. Cat Empire “Two Shoes”

15. Nouvelle Vague “Too Drunk To Fuck”

16. Phoenix “Sometimes In The Fall”

17. Kaki King “Gay Sons of Lesbian Mothers”

18. Hot Chip “The Warning”

19. Angus & Julia Stone “Fooled Myself”

20. Manu Chao “Bongo Bong”

21. Chromeo “100%”

22. Bon Iver “Skinny Love”

23. Custom Kings “Crazy Drunk”

24. Bonobo “Days To Come (feat. Bajka)”

25. Morcheeba “The Sea”

26. Kings of Convenience “Homesick”

27. Aphex Twin “Avril 14th”

28. Jack Johnson “Monsoon”

29. Bossa ‘N’ Marley “No Woman, No Cry”

30. Cary Hudson “Little Darlin’”

31. Death Cab For Cutie “Talking Bird”

32. Bossa ‘N’ Stones “You Can’t Always Get What You Want”

33. Air “Somewhere Between Waking And Sleeping”

34. Sufjan Stevens “Casimir Pulaski Day”

35. G. Love & Special Sauce “Pull The Wool”

36. Angus & Julia Stone “Paper Aeroplane”

37. Michael Franti feat. Spearhead “Hey World (Don’t Give Up)”

38. Wood Brothers “Chocolate On My Tongue”

39. G. Love & Special Sauce “Stone Me”

40. Xavier Rudd “Messages”

41. Ryan Adams “Come Pick Me Up”

42. Angus & Julia Stone “Silver Coin”

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Tue Apr 7

GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT EVER!!!!

I would like to say that my ~~greatest~~ 2nd greatest* physical accomplishment of my life came today at the ripe old age of 28. I ran over 8 miles in 1 hour today! This is a huge deal for me and I would like to start by the thanking my man JC, for helping me to be all that I can be. Actually, maybe I should have thanked the Army. Anyway, big ups to Skinny Joe! Fat Joe (not the rapper, but me a year ago) wouldn’t have been able to pull it off cause he would have been too tired from running by Imo’s for an XL Pepperoni, Sausage, and Mushroom…and no one can run after that!

*Of course, the greatest was when I climbed 16Km of the Inca Trail with my parasite.

Guatemalan Internet = CD Tomorrow, Lo siento.

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Mon Apr 6

Viaje de Latina America - COMING TOMORROW!

I found this by googling ¨Latin+America+Music¨ while I was looking for some cover art for my Viaje de Latina America disc set. Until I come up with some cover art, this will have to do. *SORRY MOM! I am going to post a 2 or 3 disc collection of the songs from my trip. The songs will be selected by: songs I have come to love, songs I can’t live without, and songs that remind me of something/someone on my adventure.

*Gotta admit, I am pretty happy with my search results.

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My New Favorite Band of the Year - AND IT’S ONLY APRIL!

I have a major crush on these two. They aren’t new, but new to me. Their music hasn’t left my Ipod for the last month and I have, pretty much, listened to them everday. Their music makes me soft and happy at the same time. *If you know me, you understand that when I say, “It is like peanut butter for my ears!”…it is some serious shit!

Angus & Julia Stone

CDs (I have):

~ A Book Like This

~ Chocolate & Cigarettes

~ Heart Full of Wine

My Favorite Songs (so far):

Fuck it, I was going to tell you which songs were my favorite on A Book Like This, but I realized that almost every song is amazing. When I first started listening to this, I loved “The Beast,” “Just A Boy,” and “Silver Coin.” Other highlights include: “Bella,” “Stranger,” “Jewels and Gold, and “Another Day.” Now, I am just about hooked on all their shit.

~ “Paper Aeroplane” - The best from Chocolate & Cigarettes, I know it from somewhere, but I can’t (for the life of me) remember where. It has to be Ministry Sound - Chillout Sessions or something of the sort, but I can’t find it. Jam.

~ “Fooled Myself” - The best from Heart Full of Wine - So fuckin’ Tracy Chapman (at the beginning), but Angus is singin’ it, and a little harmonica at the end never killed anyone either. Love this song!

You must pick these up: Especially, if you have ever been hooked to:

Kings of Convenience, Once Soundtrack, or something else similar that kicks ass (softly)

*For those who don’t know, in 2007, I ate more than 14 lbs. of peanut butter. Thus, my opinion of this band is quite grand.

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Sat Apr 4

Dead Women’s Pass - Inca Trail

This is the last place I remember being parasite-free. This was taken on March 12th, 2009. It is now April 4th, 2009. See a problem?

Update

For those who don’t know, I have returned to Guatemala where my days are busy, which is good. I gotta little routine going and it is kinda nice after bouncing around for the last few months. Same bed, same house, etc. I was gonna run to Home Depot & Bed, Bath & Beyond, but…

A day in the life of me:

1. Breakfast

2. Walk to class/ipod

3. 4 hours studying Spanish (in a private class)

4. Walk home/ipod

5. Lunch

6. 1 hour homework

7. Walk/ipod

8. 1 hour Salsa class

9. 1 1/2 hours at the gym

10. Walk home/ipod

11. Dinner

12. 1-2 more hours of homework/studying/ipod (at home)

13. Watch movie/kick it with Jenny/write about my trip/ipod

10. Sleep

11. Repeat Steps 1-10 tomorrow

No voy a mentir, sin mi ipod…no sé que cosa haría.

Translation: I am not going to lie, w/out my Ipod…I don’t know what I would do.

NOTE: Brazil post, coming tomorrow…

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Thu Apr 2

“The Coto Shirt Acquisition” - My greatest accomplishment in Spanish (so far)

Before you read this, you must understand the situation.

1. Coto SUCKS! To be honest, if you polled 1,000 Argentines: 900 would be late, but ALL would agree that Coto SUCKS!

2. It is a necessary-evil when you live in Recoleta (a neighborhood in Buenos Aires) because it is a supermercado (huge grocery store) where you buy all of your beer & meat (A.K.A. Necessities)

3. It is slower than molasses. No matter what you go there for, plan on an hour. There are a number of reasons why it is slow.

First, MONEDAS (change: in coins) are hard to come by in Buenos Aires because there is high demand (for buses) and low supply. So everytime you check-out, they ask you if you have exact or you have to wait 5 more minutes for the manager to bring it. NOTE: This is so severe that they have underground change rings. I.E. If you are in the know, you can go to a certain kiosko (convenience store) and ask for an alfajor (shitty-tasting sugar cookie) then pay with 10 pesos and you will receive an alfajor bag with change in it. SUCH A PAIN IN THE ASS!

Second, the employees don’t give a shit. The cashiers sit on chairs and swipe like they are getting paid by the number of seconds in between “beeps.”

Then, after all that bullshit…you bag it yourself!

4. Last but not least, all of my dialogue with the Coto staff was in Spanish.

Now, I have chosen to share the story through a chat I had with a good friend of my after my great success. He has be kind enough to let me share his comments with you. Please be aware, content may be vulgar—I cannot remember because I am not reading this again.

It started with a late-night chat that continued the next day.

NOTE: In order to preserve its authenticity, NO grammar, punctuation, or capitalization have been corrected except for an occasional period.

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The Tale of "The Coto Shirt Acquisition"

Yoni: how the fuck did you get that coto shirt
Joe: what
Yoni: whose pole did you smoke for that red demon
Joe : i will tell you the story soon..oh and btw...i am meeting argentine chicks by the handful when i wear it...they love it and the story
Yoni: oh man...cant wait to hear it. peace brother
Joe: lates
The next day...
Joe: you ready for the story
Yoni: yep
Joe: So I walked into Coto the day before Kate and I left. Went to the "customer service" desk...
Yoni: ya...
Joe: and explained that i had a strange request and that i wanted to buy a coto tshirt, she said we dont sell any. i said i know but they must sell them to employees and can i buy one for the same price. she says no. i say i would like to speak with the mgr
Yoni: hjah
Joe: i tell him the same, by this time they are both laughing. he asks why. I say bc coto is my favorite supermarket in all of argentina
Yoni: jajajaj! oh man,
Joe: he asks, is it for your collection? i say hell yes and that i am not willing to leave ba without my coto shirt. he says let me check on some things
Yoni: oh shitt
Joe: 15min later he comes back with a small tshirt in baby blue and white stripes like the flag...i say no, sorry i am a large
Yoni: ha
Joe: he goes from lane to lane asking all males that are my size if they have an extra shirt and if so, would they like to sell it. everyone says no, but asks why and he tells them and they laugh...every one of them
Yoni: dude. that is sick.
Joe: so no dice, but he says come back tomorrow in the morning and hopefully there will be one here for you. i show up at 830am cause i leave at 9pm and got shit to do. just like good ole fuckin coto...the morning "cust serv" lady knows nothing. so i returned at 530pm thinking he might be the night mgr
Yoni: jesus
Joe: i show up and ask him if i have any luck he says let me check
Yoni: what an ordeal
Joe: so he makes his rounds again, laughter ensues...then at the last register...a kid has an extra shirt upstairs and thinks this is hilarious. mgr says give him 15 to get it bc he has a break. fuck me it is now 6pm and i gotta roll so like coto 30min later i got my mitts on the only coto tshirt to bless the back of a non-employee. thus...i am the man....and thus my spanish has reached a new level!
Yoni: it was new you mean_
Joe: no it was used
Yoni: dude.
Joe: it has character built into the threads
Yoni: you are the man.
Joe: 20 fuckin pesos...am i baller or what?
Yoni: character...haha
Joe: so that is the tale of the coto shirt acquisition. i hope you enjoyed it. don't forget to tip the bartender
Yoni: i did...thanks for your patience. haha

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Follow Up:

I had no idea how awesome my shirt was or could be until I got out of Argentina. I love the people of Argentina and now they love me too. I made atleast 10 Argentine friends (mostly women) while in Cusco because of my shirt. It was a great conversation starter for the Argentines.

The beauty of it: Coto is only in Argentina and anyone who has ever worked at Coto could never afford to travel, so they are very curious how a non-Argentine could bear the logo of Coto.

Best of all: I am the ONLY non-employee to ever own a Coto shirt. Argentines have tried but have been unsuccessful. But I am a Zucht and Sales is in my blood, even if it isn’t in my lengua materna (native language.) Now, amongst my Argentine friends, I am: “The Coto Guy.”

And I am damn proud of it!

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Wed Apr 1

April Fool’s Day

First of all, I would like to mention that this day is special for me because it is the time where I check myself on my new goals that I am striving to achieve each year. The significance dates back to when I was in middle school. All kids love/d April Fool’s Day. I can’t speak for my sister but I am still wavering on what I think of the day. My grandpa died on April Fool’s and the lack of irony still rings in my head. He was not a man of great economic status, he didn’t invent anything, but he was a great man. When he died, on the outside, he was frail and spent. On the inside, he was loving, wise, and content. Many people wish for fame, money, or other acclaim. But he wasn’t like that. He just wanted to love, be loved and share something special with everyone around him. His last job was as a ~~mechanic~~ miscellaneous gopher at O’Neill Honda. After being in the military and spending much of his life with tools in his hands, this may have been his hardest task—-to do less than what he felt he was able to accomplish just a few years prior. But if you ask the guys he worked with, and I have, they say he was a frail man, but a great one with a knack for subtle humor. I know this because I once traded a bag in exchange for them fixing my car. (Not sure grandpa would have been down with that!)

In his memory and my grandma’s, I dedicate this trip of my lifetime. They told me I could do anything I wanted to and I believed them. They also unknowingly helped fund part of this adventure and for that I am thankful, as well. Trying to think like they did (money isn’t everything and enjoy life everyday), I left my ¨normal life¨for something that will last forever. Shout out to Mr. and Mrs. Gerald Bagby (as they would prefer to be called): Thanks for everything, you know I don’t believe, but if there is a god…I know you are getting hooked up.

Achievements from one year ago today…

1. I quit my job and told my boss I was leaving my kush (like purple) job in order to travel Central/South America and learn Spanish.

#1 Check. I am still studying and explored 9 countries.

2. I weighed 210 lbs. I also told my boss that I would lose the 35 pounds that I gained working for him. He said 95% of the employees said they would lose weight, but I explained I was different and he laughed.

#2 Check. I just left the gym and weighed-in at a svelt 170 lbs. Do the math Jeffery!

Please note: BIG updates coming this week/end

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